On this healing path, one of the biggest hurdles is often the resistance from family and friends — who don’t want us to change. It’s human nature for old social circles to challenge the new you and the new path you’ve decided to embark upon.
A core tenet of Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements comes to mind as I write this.
“Be impeccable with your word.”
To maintain sanity as we evolve, it’s vital to give ourselves permission to be radically honest — with ourselves and with the people around us. This means learning how to use our words to help create a safe container for the life we want to live. Oftentimes, it also means re-examining the contracts, the unspoken agreements, and the silent rules we’ve been playing by in our relationships with others.
Once you get down to the essence of what you need to thrive, you’ll find you’re willing to defend that freedom at whatever cost comes along with it.
A good place to start is proactively examining your key relationships with other people, and doing a little wellness check. Is the current dynamic helping or hurting your mental and physical health — and vice versa?
Am I serving them? Am I serving their highest ideals? Am I serving the highest version of them? Am I serving their hopes and dreams? Am I creating a container for this human being……my father, mother, sibling, son, daughter, brother, sister, childhood friend? Am I doing what I can to foster freedom in that human and conversely, are they doing that for me?
That’s the essence of true relationship, right? Acceptance of the other person and trust that they are going to do the same for you.
In order to be your highest self, this will have to be done at some point.
And to the extent that you have a deep resistance to doing this… well, that’s powerful information too. A potential target for deeper healing work.
Every prolonged relationship you have with someone in your life requires some type of a contract — often an unspoken one. And it dictates how you’re going to treat each other. Is it transactional? Is it just a pure friendship? Is there some type of game being played? Is there a give and take, a set of conditions?
We’re getting deep on this one and I’m sorry if it’s a lot to take in all at once. But this is the healing work we’re here to do, right?
I’ve learned (the hard way) that trying to live a good life is almost impossible without having honest conversations like these.
If you’re following me here and want a little more, I have an empowerment exercise for you to try.
Ready? It’s pretty straightforward.
- Get a pen and paper.
- List out two important relationships in your life. Take a moment with each of those relationships and do a status check.
- Write out some notes in response to the following questions.
- Are you always excited to talk to that person?
- Does that relationship always feel nourishing to you?
- Do you feel you are nourishing that other person?
- Does this person seem like someone who can grow with you?
- If they don’t, what would need to change in the relationship for that person to be someone who can grow with you?
The power question: what unspoken agreements do you need to renegotiate with each person to make that relationship truly nourishing and sustainable to both of you?
Free write on this and see what comes out.
Take some time with this one.
Stay curious,
Nick Polizzi
Founder of The Sacred Science
8 Responses
Hi Nick.
This post on Sacred Contacts & the path, is very helpful & insightful. On the topic of family & friends, I am the one who has resistance. I need to be completely honest with myself & others. The empowered exercise is really going to help.
I definitely need to renegotiate with family & friends.
Thank you. Have a great week.
Like i always wanne tead when you name come by thanks for your healing work for us Honesty
Me as 14 years old, I preached to my my about honestly . just told them to be honest so years later my friend told me you with your honesty I got in such much trubbles , and now at 82 , i have many people hurt , where they exlude me wel it paralised me , so i could not walk more for 9 months i could use a walker but it broke in the wilfdernis
I walk now the plants healed me and some musick , so i thank you again for al your wisdom and warm hugs for yoou and your famely nanifern
with people grownips i mean but i am free to be my self so i live most of the tkime in the wilderniss with rhe plants and animals. The rocs still hurt me. But i want ti be with people in this harmonish peace full setop. But my style of living with my deraunding is to hart and to much work for people to take care for me the houses the sauna the woods around you meanley leaving nature in taxt by not stepping on it
Learn how you can hurt peopl be honest lean how to be polite. But not so kate ab nd not to young
It is definitely important to be aligned with truth, but not always wise to share perceptions with people who lack receptivity, empathy, the capacity for self reflection, and/ or the capacity for consideration of another (I.e. NPD). Sometimes the option to leave carries dire consequences that override the desire to flee, and the “truth” is kept in our hearts until the time is right to embrace our sovereignty.
pls to meet you
Your insight is appreciated, Linda!
So many people have said everyone gets to make their own decision about the covid vaccines. So many “liberals,” “hippies,” so many who claim to be open-minded. But if you’re really looking to be truthful, how could you have fallen for the oldest trick in the book—create fear, chaos and divisiveness by listening to “authority” figures?? The line has been drawn in the sand. If you’re vaccinated, we can’t be friends. It’s very honest and simple. Following the government, pharmaceutical companies and fear is nonnegotiable for me. There can be no growing if one chooses to stay asleep and live in fear. And no one even wants to talk about it!
Very thought provoking. Thank you. Sometimes when you have spent going on 40 years with a person it is harder to come to an agreement of sorts and you tend to just let things go to keep peace in the relationship. Every person has their way of relating and sometimes they are not aware of the hurt or disrespect they are putting forth. We need to respect this and deal with our own feelings to keep moving forward. This may not be the best way but to find your own happiness it is perhaps all you can do.